Debbie Stinson Stinson itibaren 17046 Palo SV, Italija itibaren 17046 Palo SV, Italija

Mr. Simpson, you have a solid plot in 83 pages or so, but you really really need to work on staying consistent with first and third person, not switch between them. A bit more work and this short story could be a real hoot. Also, work on the dialogue flow. It's a little stilted.